Thursday, March 1

A cavernous vagina

I was talking to my friend, Bitching Broad, about a guy she recently met. "He's really nice, he's cute, and I think we would be great together even though I don't know him that well," She confided.

"Nice! You should flirt with him more." I couldn't wait for her to get some action on the off-chance that it would make her more happy. Or at least distract her from bitching to me about every detail of her life.

"Well, I don't know. I mean, he's Irish," she said with a meaningful look.

This did not make sense to me. From her tone, I could tell that she had something against the Irish. But I had always assumed Irish was good, what with the gorgeous accents and all. "So?"

"Well... you know what they say about Irish men, right?"

I was very confused now. "They like beer? And you're not okay with it?"

"No. You haven't heard this, seriously? I heard that Irish men have small penises."

I laughed. "Really? Because they don't." In my sex psychology class, we learned all about penis size and how race is not a reliable indication of penis size because those generalizations are stereotypes based on socioeconomic hierarchies. I explained this to her, and then reminded her that a small dick wouldn't be the end of the world. Especially since she hadn't even asked him out yet.

"Well, I just can't date a guy with a small dick. It has to be big."

What was this? Bitching Broad, who constantly complains about her lack of game, refuses to date a guy with even an average sized penis? I started yelling at her, but she clarified with a story: apparently her ex-boyfriend, who devirginized her, told her that she couldn't orgasm from her G-spot because her vagina is too big.

"What does he mean, too big?" I asked angrily.

"I don't know. He said it was cavernous."

I internally laughed at this word choice, but had trouble imagining how a vagina could be so vast as to preclude sensation. I had no choice - both as her friend and as a woman in a state of disbelief - but to reject his criticism. "That's not possible."

"Really? Are you sure?"

Since I couldn't picture how this cavernous vagina deal would work, I told her I was sure. And then wondered... is that possible?

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