How did she get into college?

Do we all remember the Other Intern? To recap: we do the same job, but while I am cool, she sucks.

Even though Awesome Intern told me that GayBoss likes me better than Other Intern, I had doubts. I mean, how could I know for sure? I'm never there when she is, so I can never tell how GayBoss treats her. And she at least seems to get a lot of work done, so she can't be that much worse than me...

After thinking these things, I become insecure again. I know, it's sad that I need to be better than this girl. But if I can't be better than her, I have no proof that I would be competitive in the job force, and with all these interns lying around I can tell that real jobs are scarce.

Well, now my sad need to feel superior has been fulfilled. Awesome Intern ran into my office and exclaimed, "Did you see the competitive coverage report?"

At a lot of TV channels, someone in the office puts out a report of different shows that played during the week, mostly "notable" programming like season premieres, specials, etc. so that people can stay current without actually watching all those shows. Everyone at my office can submit a review for the report, and apparently everybody who submits gets in.

Awesome Intern showed me the report and I found out just how inarticulate Other Intern is...

About E!'s coverage of the Grammys, she wrote:

"I have to point out that in the middle of the show there was a shot of Jo and Slade taking pictures in front of the step and repeat, which for any of the Orange County fan there will be no guessing for what will happen to the couple this season. Usually The red carpet show with E! this season have been fairly boring but something was in the air...or their drink pre-show because Sunday night Ryan Seacrest and his fellow hosts were not going to hold back with any gossip and fashion opinions. It was nice that the show was live too because it added to the some what unorganized events on the red carpet, typical for the red carpet and entertaining for the people at home. All in all it was a great start to the beginning."

I keep wanting to bold something, as if to point out "Here is the part where she's stupid." The problem is that almost the whole thing would be bolded. I guess I would have to choose the last sentence. Let's re-read that one:

All in all it was a great start to the beginning.

I don't even know what to say.

Okay, okay. Maybe she was just warming up or high on Vicodin. What did she write about the actual Grammys?

"By far the most entertaining awards show of the season so far, I'm doubtful the Oscar's can be more entertaining. Normally this awards show is a good background noise show while I'm cleaning the apartment but Sunday night it proved to be much more then just background noise. The Grammy's this year felt more like a concert with a couple breaks in between songs. The show started off with a much anticipated and memorable performance by the Police. Honestly I didn't think the show could get better from that point.....o but it did....the Dixie Chick followed with a heart felt empowering number and the show continued to know the audience off with one great performance after another."

At some point in here, I start wondering if it's actually me who is too stupid to read. Please tell me I'm not insane. Please?

Sweet smell of victory (for now)

News on the OI front!

So at the office, there are about 8 interns (aka slaves). The two who matter so far are:
1) OI, who is my dull-witted competition, and
2) AI (Awesome Intern), who is... well, awesome.

On my first day, AI was there and while we went on an errand, she explained the entire office to me. Sort of like in Mean Girls (except replace the word "office" with "school"). She told me the names and positions of all the executives, how long everyone had been working there, and - most importantly - that the exec I would be working for is hot. :) And married. :(

Sure enough, when I met him I was able to confirm her story. And I figure if we have the same taste in men, we can definitely get along. So AI is on my good list. And I'm on hers.

When we were both working this week, I expressed my concern about OI. "It seems like I break everything and she fixes it," I whined. "Everyone's totally going to think she's better than me."

"No way," She consoled me. "She's not that great. And I know for a fact that your boss likes you better."

"Really? How do you know?"

"Because he told me when he chose his interns, 'I picked two interns. One of them is fabulous, she's awesome. The other one... I'm not so sure about.'"

I was horrified. "How do you know he wasn't talking about OI? He totally was! Oh shit."

"No, he was talking about you! He didn't say your name but he told me the good one was getting surgery."

Whew!

"And remember how you had him send you those DVDs?"

When I first got this internship, which is in television, I asked my supervisor if he could send me some of our shows so that I could familiarize myself with the network. I truly wanted to watch them, but knew I was taking a gamble: I could come off as either enthusiastic or demanding.

"Well he loved that!"

"Really?!"

"Totally. He told me about it, he said it was great how excited you were to learn about the network. He told everyone in the office that you had asked for them."

Nice. OI is going down. And I have a friend who's on my side of the war.

I can go all night, but I don't recommend it

In case anyone here thinks I'm actually a responsible adult, let me set the record straight:

I'm not.

Last night, I accidentally stayed up all night because I had procrastinated too long on my schoolwork. Whatever, I can handle it every once in a while. Every time I pull an all-nighter, I just think to myself "You're young, it's not a big deal." Except that I also stayed up all night last Thursday writing a paper (for the same class? You betcha!). So I think both my brain and my body were beyond the "I'm a superhero" phase and more into the "Let's fuck with this bitch" mode.

How can you tell when this happens? Well, today I:

- Fell asleep on the train on the way to Grand Central, and actually did one of those lovely twitches to wake myself up. When I opened my eyes, one of them was tearing up because of the aforementioned anger felt by my body. I assume this resulted in mascara running. As soon as I was up, I checked to make sure my wallet was still in my bag.
- Almost ran into the wall while looking around the corner for cute boss. Three times.
- Lost the power to spell "clitoris" in my sex psychology class. I wrote "clitorous" and then stared at the word, bewildered that I had no idea about the correct spelling. I looked at the paper of the person next to me and realized my mistake.
- Was somehow unable to read during another class when my professor told us to quickly look something up. I panicked, then read the same paragraph five times. When that didn't work, I wrote the exact words in my notebook and read them. Smooth.
- Forgot the word "slow-mo" (as in slow motion). Instead, what came out was "Slow-Bo."*
- Think I spoke in some half-English language on the phone with L, who wants to interview me for some article. I can't imagine she got any good quotes.
- Told my roommate "You're like a pillow!"

At least I was charming when one of my sort-of crushes made small talk with me. Either that, or I think I was charming and he may avoid me for the rest of the year. I guess we'll see.

*This isn't a word, but everyone in the room liked it so I plan to continue using it.

OI? Oy...

At my internship this week, me and the other intern are covering for our boss, who's on vacation. I could basically do his job in my sleep, since all he does is set up appointments for his boss and answer the phone. The fact that he's my boss bothers me a little bit, just because... that's the easiest job ever. And he gets two assistants?

Anyway, since me and OI (other intern) are covering for him on alternate days, it can get kind of confusing to arrive at his desk and find a whole bunch of half-completed tasks. However, I dealt with it like a pro on Tuesday. OI, on the other hand, woke me up on Wednesday to ask me a shitload of questions.

"What's this CD on the desk that says '[whatever it said]'?"

"Uh... I have no idea. It was there when I came in yesterday. No one gave it to me."

"Why is there a problem with the computer?"

"I have no idea, there should be someone coming to fix it today."

"Well, what did you do to it?"

"Um, nothing?"

"What did [boss] say about the scheduling thing?"

"Oh, you didn't talk to him about that? Hmm. I didn't ask him."

She basically said a bunch of crap that made it sound as though I had left her with a crazy situation, when really she's just being inept.

So today when I arrive at the office, there's a PAGE LONG typed note for me. Fine. So I give her a call to ask what happened with the computer because it's not fixed and her note wrongly suggests that it is... She rushes off the phone for class, and then calls me a few hours later to check up.

"So have you talked to [boss] yet today?"

"No, he hasn't called."

"Yeah, he didn't call me at all yesterday. He doesn't pick up his phone and he's not listening to the messages I left him." It sounded like she was offended by this.

"Yeah, it's almost like he's on vacation or something!" I laughed, because... he is.

"Oh, well actually he is on vacation."

I had no idea how to respond to this. Obviously I was making a joke; I mean... He's on vacation. How could that have been confusing?

After an awkward silence on my part and a confused pause on hers, I just said "I know."

"Oh." She sounded annoyed. "It's hard to tell when you're being sarcastic."

... Great. Now I can't even make jokes.

The other intern

Today I met my better half. Or as I like to call her (always with an internal sneer), the other intern.

Okay, I just met her today. How can I hate her that much? It turns out I have a good reason:

They hired two interns because they wanted someone to be there during business hours every day. Naturally, this means I have to compete with her to be the more outstanding intern (not that I'm competitive). Usually, I am the master at this. I don't brown nose, but I'm pretty damn charming (I hope... it's either that or I brown nose unknowingly). The problem in this case is that she started working on January 5th, whereas my first day was January 25th.

Twenty days may not seem like a big difference, but when you're doing the same job it really is. Since this is an internship, I already have only 3 months to prove myself as a valuable worker. On my first day I was subjected to comments like "I don't want to teach you this; the other intern will show you how. She has a system." Clearly I have no say in the matter. Since she already knows how to do everything, our superiors will probably prefer to give assignments to her over me. Then it will look as though I'm not a "go-getter". Little do they know, I love going-and-getting. Love it.

Oh. And also I'm still recovering from surgery, so even though walking around a bunch isn't a medically sound idea, people might still interpret that to be laziness. Perhaps I should tape a sign to my face that says "I am temporarily crippled" and one on my back that says "No, seriously." If I do that, though, maybe I should also put up witty bumper stickers or the Sunday comics.

So even though I met the [sneer] other intern and she was really nice, and she was sympathetic when I complained about being in pain... all I could think about was how irritating it was that she knew how to do everything. That and her shirt was way too low-cut. Skank.

Damn heterophobes

After meeting one of my bosses at my new internship today, I've been a little man-crazy - he is so cute it boggles the mind. You know how some guys are cute, but they're not really hot; they're cute? He is so cute that it spills over into the hot. It may even spill over into something beyond hot.

Oh, and he's married. Fuck.

So I came home from my internship and gushed about him forever, then watched Grey's where George is sex-crazed, and then looked at pictures of hot celebrities with my friend HP (heterophobe).

We got a call from a mutual friend and decided to go over to her place. At this point, all I could think about was looking as attractive as I could (as if there would be any guys for me to meet there), and I turned to HP and whined: "HP, what am I going to wear? I'm not going to look any good!"

HP, who was on his way out, stopped for a second. I quickly remembered that every time I have requested some friendly encouragement about my body from him, HP utters the dreadful words "I'm gay, I don't know" and my pleas for help are frustrated.

Before he could answer this time, I yelled "I know you're gay, just tell me I look sexy and that everyone wants to do me!"

... I'm never asking him for reassurance again. Some friend he is.