Friday, February 22

Medical system, you leave me breathless. Literally

Wednesday was the big day. I woke up at 7am to finish my first paper for a literature professor who is legendary on campus for being critical of essays.

At 10:30, I was forced to abandon my essay so I could present an outline of my work for anthropology class. Shortly after arriving, I noticed that I could not stop yawning. True, I had only gotten five hours of sleep the night before. Still, the continual yawning was rather embarrassing. After a while, my embarrassment shifted to concern: I was yawning about once a minute. Having already drank three cups of coffee and taken Adderall, this seemed a bit excessive.

Now examining the yawns more critically, I pinpointed the reason for their constant return. Each time, I only got about 3/4 through before stopping. Concerned, I now tried yawning all the way through, but to no avail. I tried taking several deep breaths. Each one got cut off near the end, at which point a new yawn attacked.

Being unable to breathe as I pleased was rather disconcerting. I was also tempted to announce the problem before a presentation in my second class, but realized that I only wanted to tell people this so they would forgive me if the presentation was sub-par. Instead, I gave my presentation and then yawned my way through the rest of the class.

Worried that the problem would get worse or was caused by something like pneumonia, I went to my school's health center the next day. The only problem the nurse found was an enlarged thyroid gland. Apparently it was large enough to be partially obstructing my airway.

Since I'm not in pain, my thyroid isn't getting larger, and my blood is still adequately oxygenated, all the nurse did was draw blood and make an appointment for an ultrasound of my thyroid... next Tuesday.

Now I get to enjoy all the benefits of shallow breathing* and the appetizing prospect of hypothyroidism for around a week while I wait for results.

*These include but are not limited to: reduced guilt about not going to the gym, fear of walking, continued yawning, frustration, and simultaneous feelings of helplessness and uselessness.

Sunday, February 17

Not a normal reaction to commercials

Here I am, sitting like a bum at my desk and clicking the link to watch yet another episode of Arrested Development. This particular episode is brought to me by Pedigree. I mute the 30 second commercials as I wait for the next segment to begin playing and go about my business. But then an adorable puppy shows up on the screen and I just have to un-mute it to find out what's going on.

I watch the following, almost cried, and then was unable to enjoy the rest of the show.

That's not normal, is it? Or is audience tears what they're going for?

Tuesday, February 12

How to get an internship at a television network

Before the internship interview I had today, I:

- Had to air-dry the white dress shirt I wore because the dryer broke down and I was out of quarters
- Forgot to air-dry the tank top that goes under it; wore only a bra underneath
- Waited too long to get ready because I was watching Dexter
- Didn't put on any eye make-up because I couldn't find it and was in a hurry because of Dexter (it was in plain sight in my medicine cabinet, of course)
- Left my cell phone behind so I couldn't check the time or call ahead in case I ran late
- Didn't take Adderall
- Didn't research the position AT ALL

The first thing I did in the interview was complain about standing in the cold waiting for transportation. How charming.

I also:
- Brought one resume for two interviewers and made a dumb joke about them fighting over the one copy
- Interrupted the interviewers more than once
- Changed a question they asked so I could answer in whatever way I wished. And yes, I notified them that I was changing the question.
- Admitted that I have almost no knowledge of/interest in the product made by the department
- When asked which television shows I like, listed only one that is produced by the network. Pointed this fact out and apologized for it, but failed to offer more shows.
- Used an analogy of being a puzzle piece as well as the puzzle solver (what the hell...)

Needless to say, they called me roughly four hours later to offer me the position.