Tuesday, February 13

Where's the action?

Valentine's day is tomorrow. I know what you're thinking: "Why aren't you dating?"

... you were thinking that, weren't you?

Okay but if you weren't, now you are.

Well my friends, I'm not going to lie. The men at my school are gay. Gay or socially inept. Gay, socially inept, or taken. And sometimes all three.

I've been trying this new thing though, called "shopping for sluttier clothes." Now before you tell me that I shouldn't have to look slutty to get a man's attention, I should clarify: I don't have to. I can wear some pretty boring clothes and get attention (especially if I sing really loud in the subway. And even then, some of those sidelong glances are pretty lusty). But if men are going to gaze anyway, why not look absolutely delicious and make them sorry they're not getting off at my stop? Honestly, it's the only cruel thing I'm capable of doing to strangers. And lately, I feel like doing bitchy things.

Other than fantasizing about men fantasizing about me, though, I've been pretty celibate. Some of you might be thinking "That's okay! You don't need a man, you just need a vibrator!"

To you, I say "I don't have a vibrator." And even though I do have fingers, I forget about them. I'm a sexual person and all, but every time I think to myself "I'm going to masturbate tonight!" I end up forgetting. When you have to remind yourself to masturbate, I have a feeling you're not really into it.

I did have phone sex with The Ex a couple weeks ago. I don't really regret it, and I probably wouldn't have done it if I wasn't drunk at the time. Oh yeah, The Ex! What's with that? I haven't mentioned him in... a month? Well, he calls me almost every day and we talk. It's not awkward and I'm not obsessed with him and I don't notice it when he doesn't call. I think those are all good things, and I'm glad we have what appears to be an understanding. And I'm glad we're not together. Now I don't feel guilty for lusting after the cute boss in my office or putting Adam Brody on my desktop.

It's nice to be single. Happy Valentine's Day!


Dropout! said...

Oh, I really need to wait and talk to you before reading any posts so I know they're safe.

Yay about Ex though.

Wombat & Aspen said...

Two things make me happy about this post, TAB.



All those queer/inept/taken guys.

SO much less competition.


emma5 said...

Hey, that's great you're feeling so good about the Ex. Delighted for you!!!

monicker said...

Make 'em drool, TAB.

Airam said...

Happy V-Day!

You should change your name to un-accidental bitch.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

slutty clothes are awesome! go get em, tiger.

Jon said...

Happy Valentine's Day, TAB.

Grant Miller said...

I never even have time to think "I'm going to masturbate." I just do it, without thinking, and it's over.

Good times.

Sean said...

Happy Valentine's day to you as well!

good to know that you can dress sluttier without feeling the NEED to.

C'est la vie!! said...

TAB, Happy Valentine's Day...and now u know how i feel :P
I have been living of off phone sex for a while now lol

about the masturbation part...hmm my girls and i where talking about it the other day...and uhmm its really not all that great...its like tickling urself until u get into it...hmm tmi i know, lol

about the sluttier clothes...i call it "club-wear shopping"
and the more boobs u show, the better :P

Harleyblue said...

Single is nice. No one to answer to and no one to worry about. I enjoy it for the most part.

And wear all the slutty clothes you can, while you can. Eventually you won't be able to and then you'll wish you had.

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

happy V-day.

(think you should get a vibrator!)

the very

tiff said...

"Sometimes I do bitchy things" is the new black. From now on, that will be my apology.

Strange Bird said...

How was the wine?

Wanderlusting said...

Personally, I think an even better reason not to date is the fact you and your Ex just recently ended things...its takes a bit of time to get back in the saddle.

As for dressing like a slut? Why not? Whatever it takes. Sometimes, after being dumped, all you need is a lot of lustful glances. You work it and you work it good!

Bittersweet Confusion said...

I would like to introduce you to The Rabbit.

Great accessory for slutty outfits too...

LOL! Keep your head up!

The Accidental Bitch said...

dropout - Well, I thought about telling you and then realized there wasn't anything that graphic in here.

Wombat - Tee hee!

emma5 - Thanks!

monicker - Drool is so sexy. It makes me drool.

airam - Believe me, I've thought about it many a time.

the ambiguous blob - Rawr!!

jon - Thanks! You too!

grant miller - I didn't know you could finish before you realize you'd started! Quite the skill.

sean - Thanks! :)

c'est la vie!! - I totally agree about the masturbation business. And also the clothes!

harleyblue - Yay single! And yay slutty! I'm glad you support both counts. They so often go together...

the very - Feel free to donate...

tiff - LOL... Totally. It really is.

strange bird - It was great, we had a wine tasting instructional book, so we tasted the wines and then enjoyed them. The Pinot was great, and I still haven't tried the Cabernet Sauvignon.

wanderlusting - No worries, I totally agree with you. I'm not interested in dating right now. Which is why lustful glances will do!

bittersweet confusion - I've never thought of vibrators as an accessory!! Oh, and about the Rabbit... I don't know it intimately but I am a total Sex and the City fan. So...

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