Monday, March 19

Why commercials are better than any of Tom Cruise's movies

I love visiting my dad in North Carolina, but there are a few problems I encounter here. One is that the shower has bad water pressure and always needs Draino. Another (and one more relevant to this blog entry) is that I'm not a morning person. My dad wakes up at 5:30, and I'm not about to do that on my spring break. The trade off is that he goes to bed at around 9 or 10, leaving me hours to sit around with nothing to do. (I have no friends)

After getting kicked out of his room when my new stepmom needed to go to bed (no hard feelings, I promise), I joined my brother on the living room couch. It had been a particularly boring day, filled with NCAA tournament games and some not-so-intense thumb twiddling. I came out just as a game was ending, and watched in horror as another one began.

"I'm not going to watch this game," my brother mercifully informed me.

Nice! My heart crouched down in preparation to leap for joy, and then I realized that nothing was on TV (it was Saturday night). "What's on though?" I whined.

My brother flipped through a few channels and found that Mission Impossible 2 was just about to begin. "There ya go," he said, walking off to go to bed.

I hadn't seen Mission Impossible 2, but I realized very quickly that it was going to be a horrible movie. And I was right. It's really stupendously bad. I don't even know how to describe how bad it is. Every time something dramatic happened, some guy pulled a fucking mask off his face. It was pretty disappointing.

I didn't change the channel though. Of course not! I not only hoped in vain for the movie to get better, but wanted to have nothing to do with channel surfing on a Saturday night (with nothing on, it could get pretty frustrating). So I tried my best to weather the storm and finish the movie, which became more and more painful to do when the commercial breaks kept interrupting.

And then, BAM. I saw my friend on a fucking Quiznos commercial. "Whoa, really?" I said. I rewinded the Tivo and looked again in astonishment. "Fratboy? Is that you?" It really was. He had moved down to Los Angeles this fall, so he easily could have been auditioning for commercials.

And to top it off, I love Quiznos. And Fratboy's performance was way better than that of Tom Cruise. You know, now that I think of it... Fratboy never appealed to me, but he's slowly becoming more fuckable. Maybe it's the fame. And with the fame garnered by a TV commercial, maybe I'll find him unfuckable again in about a week or so.

19 comments:

Miss Devylish said...

I can't get past many of Tom Cruise's movies anymore because he's so horribly awful. And I don't really like Quizno's, but it's trippy to see ppl you know on tv, isn't it? We have a friend on American Idol right now.. still freakin me out.

The College Chronicler said...

maybe I'm in the minority but I like Tom Cruise's movies...I've never found anything wrong with them. What happened to the days when women used to think he was the heart throb they couldn't live without (I was never in that boat, but I've heard of such a crowd)?

Beatrix Kiddo said...

Tom Cruise just freaks me out now. I used to think he was mildly attractive, but then I found out he's actually really short. Like waaaay to short for a guy. And he's heavy into the scientology which just screams creepy. At least to me.
Oh, and Quizno's is so good.

Wombat said...

Wouldn't the perfect combination of hoagie and Hollywood be if Jared got poached by Quiznos, and he starred in Mission Impossible Eight: Slimming Sandwiches With Fillings that You Can Taste.

I love Quiznos too, TAB.

monicker said...

I have no problem with short guys, but being totally crazy really turns me off. No more Tom Cruise for me.

Princess Extrordinaire said...

After the last two years of seeing WAY too much of Tom and his posse I can hardly sit through anything with him in it.

Strange Bird said...

Even before TC came out of the crazy closet, I hated him. I don't know why, but I think it has something to do with the fact that he plays the same character in every single one of his movies.

WiscoBlonde said...

By the time you get to the third installment of a movie, there's a high likelihood that they've run out of creative plot lines...the first MI wasn't all bad, but this one literally STUNK.

Grant Miller said...

I haven't seen first "Mission Impossible." Will I be totally lost if I see "Mission Impossible 2."

Bridget Jones said...

Not a TC fan either. Holy cow you know a famous person!!!!!!

That is so COOL!!!!

Hoosier Joe said...

TAB... TAB... You're glib, TAB... You're being glib. You don't know the history of commercials. I do. I've researched them for several years.

BlueLoverGirl said...

I love seeing friends on TV! Makes me feel important that I know them;P

Sean said...

one of the more stupid movies, but the use of triumph motorcycles in the chase scene made up for it. they were the real stars.

The Accidental Bitch said...

miss devylish - I think it would be more interesting to have a friend on AI than on a Quiznos commercial. But I could be wrong.

the college chronicler - Okay, I used to think he was hot. I guess the press just ruined him, and I have to wonder if he's innocent of all their charges.

beatrix kiddo - I guess the really short thing didn't freak me out too much. He seems really cocky though.

wombat - I wouldn't watch that movie. Unless they gave me free sandwiches...

monicker - I go back and forth on that one. I can never tell just how crazy he is.

princess extraordinaire - Another good reason not to watch him.

strange bird - Yeah, some actors do that and we don't mind. But you're right, when they dyed his hair for Collateral I was totally in shock. Like they could disguise what he really looks like? We all know the truth.

wiscoblonde - I remember kind of liking the 3rd one.

grant miller - I don't know if you would be totally lost, but you would be totally disappointed because it sucks. Watch the 1st and the 3rd.

bridget jones - And I, my friend, am cool by association. Huzzah.

hoosier joe - Please explain to me what you mean by that. How would the history of commercials change this blog post?

bluelovergirl - When I start feeling important because my friends on TV know ME, I'll be set.

sean - No way man. If you want a real chase scene, watch the Bourne Identity. And its sequel. Those are awesome chase scenes.

kittenpower said...

I'm late to the convo, but I DISPISE tom cruise.
After I saw the interview with Matt Lauer, he went straight to my shit list. He blows and I refuse to support him.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I bet Fratboy is getting all kinds of play since he became commercially famous. Get in line, TAB.

Hoosier Joe said...

Seriously? I guess that's sort of out of left field then. That's paraphrasing Tommy boy on The Today Show.

Sean said...

seen'em both. they didn't highlight the triumphs. it's all about the triumphs...

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