Saturday, March 17

Slutty sister story

Okay, so... I have a new step-sister (since September). She's really nice, she has a little bit of a
southern accent, seems pretty cool and laid back. When I came to visit my dad for spring break, I got to spend a little time with her. One night, she got text messages from six different guys, all of them asking her to cuddle with them. Every time she got a new text, she told me that another guy was trying to get her to come over. "What's with this cuddling?" I wondered. She insisted she had no idea, so I just warned her to be careful because the guys actually probably wanted to have sex with her.

A couple nights later, we had a "party" (as in, she invited her friends over while I stayed sober, went on a beer run, and tried to keep the noise down). Near the end of the night, I was talking to her two best friends in the kitchen with my brother when she stumbled in.

"Has anybody seen my cell phone charger?" She asked, tossing papers around to see if it was underneath.

"Nope, I don't know where it is. Why do you need it?"

"I ran out of batteries while I was in the middle of a call with this hot guy and I need to call him back."

"I think he'll get over it," I joked.

"Is it pre-med guy?" One of her friends asked.

"No."

"Is it Steve?"

"No, it's Carl."

Her friend looked confused. "Who's Carl?"

"Can you just tell me where my cell phone charger is?"

I tried to help. "Hun, I don't think it's going to matter that much if you call him back tomorrow or something. Don't worry about it."

"Well I have to have it with me for the morning because pre-med guy is going to call me at 7am."

"7am? Who calls people at 7am?"

"Pre-med guy."

"Why are you letting him call you that early in the morning? You're not even dating."

After a few minutes, I realized that she seriously thought she had to get her phone or face a public hanging. She ran outside in her PJs to look for her cell phone charger in the car. As soon as she left the room, I shared a moment of incredulous laughter with her friends, then turned to one of them and asked "Wow, is she a really big whore or something?"

As soon as I said it, I felt horrible. I have a tendency to say things like that as a joke and get in trouble for it. I was about to retract my statement and apologize when one of her friends said "Yeah, pretty much."

I was confused. "Wait, really?" Was she going along with my joke or...?

"Yeah, well, I guess you could call her that. I mean, she doesn't sleep with everyone she sees, but she's gone kind of crazy since she broke up with her ex."

I looked at my brother. "This is our new step-sister."

37 comments:

Hoosier Joe said...

I'd keep an eye on your brother!

Dropout! said...

"I have a tendency to say things like that as a joke and get in trouble for it."

Psshh... You know what I'm gonna say about your jokes and other people getting them. And hey, every family needs a slutty daughter. Two are even better, as my family has discovered.

Wanderlusting said...

Awwww. I kinda feel sorry for her. Everyone kind of goes on whoring binges when they go through a breakup. I never did but I'm know it happens to some girls.

Hopefully she'll just be a temp whore!

GrizzBabe said...

I knew those cuddling texts weren't all about cuddling.

Eric said...

That's my kind of girl.....

S* said...

Sluttiness is a sad thing. But it sure is fun to hear about.

monicker said...

Hopefully she'll get over it before she gets hurt. Sometimes you need to be a little whore-ish to get over some dumb jerk.

Eileen Dover said...

Oh great.

I think I was the whorish step-sister...

Johnny said...

Whats her number?

The Ambiguous Blob said...

I'm with Johnny on this one...

Princess Extrordinaire said...

You kind of suspected that with all the previous cuddling going on....but she's still part of your fam so play nice!

Amanda said...

One of my friends went through a big breakup and reacted the same way. Something about breakups sends some people over the edge...

Beatrix Kiddo said...

I agree with wanderlusting. Even if she is a bit of a slut, at least she's getting some. And she's not a total prude, either. I'm sure she'll tone it down sooner or later. Until then, just make sure she's not hitting the streets of NC in Hooker-wear.

Wombat said...

Excellent! A new family of instant blog-fodder.

Anonymous said...

The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else...

Tasha said...

Yeah I am with Wanderlusting on this one. Hopefully it is just a phase

Grant Miller said...

What a heartwarming tale!

The College Chronicler said...

ah, good ole sisterly whoredom! love it! I remember when I went through that phase, I'm pretty sure every girl has (or will) at one point in their life!

Miss Devylish said...

Yup.. from one tart who knows every time she's had her heart broken.. drinking or boy binging. It happens.. tho she's exponentionally talented it seems..

The Accidental Bitch said...

hoosier joe - Gross! I hadn't even thought of that.

dropout - You totally wish you were slutty. Although your mom makes up for your slut absence...

wanderlusting - Interesting, I've never gone through a whoring binge. I hope it's temporary too.

grizzbabe - Yeah it's kind of sad that they weren't...

eric - A girl who needs to have sex with men to make her feel like she's worthy of their attention? That sucks...

s* - Glad someone enjoyed the post then!

monicker - I feel like being whore-ish is her way of not dealing with it though.

eileen dover - haha... that's funny because her name is actually eileen. shhh don't tell anyone.

johnny, the ambiguous blob - What kind of an awful older sister would I be if I gave you her number? At least wait until she has wronged me in some way to ask.

princess extraordinaire - I always play nice... but seriously, how did I get a whore for a sister?

amanda - I hope it didn't last forever. It must've been hard to watch.

beatrix kiddo - Eh, I don't know if getting some means much when you're doing it to feel valued as a person.

wombat - I think I'll have less to blog about when I'm back in New York!

anon - How poetic.

tasha - Yeah, me too.

grant miller - Oh you know I'm all about heartwarming tales.

the college chronicler - I think that's an exaggeration, but I appreciate the sentiment. And allusions to your past :)

miss devylish - Drinking OR boy binging? I thought it would be both. At least that's what the stepsister did...

Spill the Beans said...

Actually, at that age, I think I WAS the slutty cousin (I didn't have any steps).

eep.

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