Tuesday, May 29

The new job, limbo

After the drug test, I had a tension-filled week at work.

On Tuesday, I was training with a bunch of different people. Chillboss approached with some papers in his hands, and I looked up nervously. Come to my cube, he's going to say. And then he's going to ask me why I wasted their time. Crap.

"Here's some info for you, your email address and login and password and all that." He handed me the papers.

"Awesome, thanks!" I said shakily.

On Wednesday, HR guy came upstairs and wandered toward my desk. I looked up and smiled a little, screaming inside. Don't look at him, keep your eyes on your computer... Because... uh, not looking up means he won't come over here and fire me? Right...

HR guy sauntered past and talked to someone in the office past mine. I felt bad for not actually saying hello to the man who was probably not plotting my demise.

On Thursday, I figured it was my last day to worry. I was optimistic, having made it past two whole days without a dreadful meeting in HR lady's office. Or worse, an on-the-spot firing at my desk in front of everyone. I pushed those fears to the back of my mind and presented my direct deposit form to HR lady with a flourish.

Later that afternoon, she came upstairs and I felt a little queasy as she approached. She looks friendly but I still wonder how deep her smiles really go. She came over, I tried to type extra-fast and look concentrated before she pulled me away from my work.

"Here's your employee handbook," She said with her usual heart-chilling smile.

"Oh, great! Thanks so much," I chattered like a cokehead, then laughed uncomfortably. "See you."

On Friday, I felt pretty much safe. But then, I thought I remembered hearing somewhere that Fridays are the most favored days for management to fire people. Around noon, however, I found out that HR lady (who would probably have done the firing) was out for the day.

It seems that success is mine! For the mere price of some frown lines, a few gray hairs, and a $38 cleansing drink. Whew.


Strange Bird said...

The drink? Probably didn't actually do anything. ;) But you won't get fired.

Scotty said...

Awesome! Do they keep on doing random ones while you work there? Or just when you start?

kittenpower said...

Congratulations TAB! Way to pass that test :)

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

Well out of all the things you had to worry about- at least you didn't have to worry about your panties- being, y'know, commando and all.

Sipwine said...

"Fire people on Fridays"

Office Space.

Grant Miller said...

I always assume if they don't say anything, you pass.

Oh, and smoke em if you got em.

Moonstone Hippie said...

Now you can celebrate with a big fat joint!



The Accidental Bitch said...

strange bird - Yeah I read things that said that, but I wasn't about to throw away another possibility.

scotty - The HR lady actually had me sign a consent form to be drug tested at any time, but then whispered "We don't do random ones anyway."

kittenpower - Yeah! I studied so hard, too.

the very - lol so true. Y'know what? I'm throwing all my underwear out right now.

sipwine - Oh, so it's not true? Or is it true and just Office Space made it famous? Now I'm even MORE confused.

grant miller - Yeah, but I had no idea how long it would take before I would find out. And hellz yeah, smoke em.

moonstone hippie - There was no silence there, only cheering! Actually I'm going to probably smoke this weekend with The ex-Ex. Such a bad influence :D

Heather said...

Congratulations! I wish I could smoke the celebratory stash with ya! :)

Alpha said...

Actually, it is better to fire someone first thing on Monday morning, that way the employee doesn't go home depressed Friday afternoon. They fire you on a Monday so you can get productive and go right away to find a new job, whereas on Saturday all you would be able to do is sit home and cry.
I know this, so don't smoke the celebratory stash this weekend, I'd wait awhile until you made friends there.

Miss Devylish said...

Crossing fingers, but it sounds like you're out of the woods. PS - hope you're out enjoying the sun. This weekend has been awesome!