Thursday, September 18

Another addiction for me

I used to have a reason to stay up until dawn: a deadline, a late wrap on the film set, weekend partying. I would see the tinge of blue diluting the dark blanket of sky and I would stare. Fascinated. The sun was about to come up and I couldn't stop it.

On the train home from a shoot, I took constant pictures of the sky. They all looked the same, but I couldn't help it.

Working against the clock to finish papers in college, that tinge gave me a buzz. It was a challenge, a tangible signal that I was running out of time. It was terrifying and enticing.

Now, I have no reason. I have to go to work (as I call it; "internship" is embarrassing) at the same time, I get home around the same time, and I don't technically have any take-home things to do. No; of my own volition, I stay up until 3:30 or later, even when I was exhausted hours before. Even though I could barely stay awake at work. I stay up, I watch The West Wing or Mad Men or a movie.

Apparently I take joy simply in knowing that I should be, but am not, sleeping.

11 comments:

Ophelia said...

I went through a time like that... Until I was so exhausted I wanted to do nothing other than sleep.

Its a slippery slope.

Pipper said...

OMG! I can be sooooo freakin' tired at work and then I get home and around 11pm BAM! I am wide awake and up half the night. I.HATE.IT! Too tired to get up in the mornings, too awake to go to bed at night... BUT I am such a night owl that something about staying up late makes me want to repeat this cycle every night. Maybe I was a vampire in a past life??? Or a bat.

Good Girl Gone Blog said...

It's 6:19 AM, and I have yet to sleep. I'm inherently a night owl. There must be something compelling about going against the grain, being up when almost everyone else is asleep.

Sheila (Charm School Reject) said...

Ditto - you get so used to going without sleep, when you absolutely had no choice but to live off of 3 -4 hours a night tops. Then when you finally can sleep, you can't! It's a vicious cycle.

Princess Extraordinaire said...

I'm a wicked insomniac and can't sleep when I truly need it - it's Murphy's Law that I am exhausted all day when I CAN'T sleep!

MIA said...

i don't know what's wrong with internship. it gives a lot of good opportunities and blah blah blah (but it's true)

Virgin In The Volcano said...

You could call yourself a career intern. Sounds fancy. Btw, love your blog.

LaiLani Ali said...

Sunrises... not something I want to see very often either from staying up too late or getting up too early. But they are gorgeous.

evelyn said...

me too!

it happens everytime i have to render overtime. when i get home, i want to sleep but i just couldn't. it sucks.

cheers!

SM said...

touché

Kimmy said...

I'm not sure why I stay up. My sleeping patterns are horrible. Right now it is 7:28 am. And I am up. I am clearly tired. And if that or the ghastly dark circles under my eyes aren't a "wake up" call then I'm not sure what is. I guess you're right I'm addicted to not sleeping.