Thursday, December 28

Pregnant

In a horrifically realistic dream last night, I was pregnant. Not in the "oh-my-gosh-the-test-was-positive" way, either. I was 8 months pregnant.

And I had the cutest belly ever. Every now and then I became aware of my pregnancy; usually when I was drinking diet coke (a no-no), coffee (shit, that has caffeine in it too!), or alcohol (oh no, the baby is going to be deformed!). And then I realized that all 8 months I had been doing things pregnant women shouldn't do, and it might be too late to give the baby a pristine start. Then there was the fact that the baby never kicked.

When I realized that I was actually pregnant (and not just fat and hungry), I understood that I was "eating for two, now" and raided fridges. The hospital had a "pie floor" that was exactly as it sounds: an entire floor filled with racks upon racks of different pies.

And then there was the fact that I was pregnant. What the hell??? At eight months, abortion wasn't a consideration. I decided to put it up for adoption. Then The Ex arrived to tell me to keep the baby, to which I said "Why, are you going to marry me and take care of it?" He backed off, and then I looked down at my adorable little belly and freaked out: how could I give the baby away? I couldn't. What was I going to do? My future was ruined!

Then I woke up. And realized that I'm not pregnant!! Let's say that again: I'm not pregnant. How great is my life?

Then I wondered if maybe I should go on a diet.

I have plans to hang out with The Ex today, and so far I'm wavering between "it could be fine!" and "sometimes making out is just making out!" No matter what happens though, it will okay: I'm not pregnant.

16 comments:

Rune said...

I'm not pregnant either! Hooray for us!

Eileen Dover said...

Million-dollar question: Is your psyche subconciously hinting you desire to be preggers?

I dream of having a hard body and wearing size-two clothes, and in my minds eye, I do.

Superkid said...

hope all is well with you but i just caught up reading your blog and i was right just like i said your BF never had a gift in mind then when it was too late he compromised and what happened, you were unhappy. the writing was on the walls. take this break up as a blessing you sound like a nice girl who needs to experience some relationships before you get into something serious. G/L and congrats on NOT being preggo

strange bird said...

Ick, good luck today!

(I used to have those dreams all the time in college... the worst was the one where I was pregnant with triplets and I didn't know until I was delivering them in a public restroom.)

emma5 said...

Ha, what happened was I set up my blog, and then I wanted to read other blogs of similiar college students in their 20s, so I found your first blog by doing some "college student drunk" search or something, and I found the rest through that. And I'm not pregnant either!!!

DYLAN said...

I have those pregnant dreams all the time. They can be pretty scary.

Every May, my ex/current/whatever and I wish each other a Happy Mother's Day in celebration of the miracle that is birth control!

Nancy Drew said...

Used to have those dreams too. Maybe that was a warning to stay the hell away from Loser #3!!!

Don't let him mess with ya, TAB.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))

The Ambiguous Blob said...

This is a great reminder to take that special daily pill!

monicker said...

Yes, hooray for the pill! I hate those pregnancy dreams...

C'est la vie!! said...

When u go see ur ex...remember the dream...safe sex mumble jumble and all that good stuff....and try to remain unpregnant....

Anonymous said...

dream interpretation would say that a pregnancy in your dream reveals that your life is moving in a new direction.

Jazz said...

I've had some crazy dreams latley too. Don't know what's up with it. Hmmmm, pie floor? haha. To funny.

Keep us up to date on what happens with the EX.

Charm School Reject said...

I had a crazy dream that I was pregnant once......turns out I was. Hooray! Um. Yeah.

Congrats on not being pregnant...babies don't need anymore loser dads.

Adjil said...

I have these dreams too - how awful! A recurring one for me though is that I actually have a baby and have no idea how to take care of it. I'll be out to dinner with my friends and one of them will say "Hey don't you have a baby now" and I'll say "Yeah, its at home" and they stare at me like I'm a monster. Thats when I usually wake up... and no baby. Tada! :-)

The Accidental Bitch said...

rune - Go us! Party time.

eileen dover - Considering I'm only 20 and don't like kids all that much... I'm going with "no". Now give me that million dollars.

superkid - Um... yes he did. He was recording me a CD. See here: http://myboyfriendiscrazy.blogspot.com/2006/12/steps-forwardish.html

strange bird - lol... babies in a public restroom. How sanitary!

emma5 - Well, this will be the only blog I actually keep up with, so I'm glad you found it!

dylan - Nice... it's mother's AND non-mother's day!

nancy drew - lol I'm far too responsible to get knocked up. And I rarely let people screw with my head unless it's something I want too... although I'm sure you'll hate the post that follows this.

the ambiguous blob - I was on the ring but now I'm not on anything... I can't have sex anyway because of my hip injury.

monicker - It's nice to wake up and KNOW that you're not pregnant instead of HOPE you're not, right?

c'est la vie!! - Nooo worries. See my comment to ambiguous blob.

anon - Eh... life is always moving in new directions. But I guess it's more true than usual! What do pies mean?

jazz - Your wish is my command.

charm school reject - Seriously? That's awful... your nightmare came true.

adjil - lol... your dream friends are rude. You obviously had a babysitter there!

Life of the Party said...

"At eight months, abortion wasn't a consideration."

Haha, oh you. Abortion is always an option.