Saturday, January 13

Asking permission

As I recently mentioned, The Ex invited me to go home with him for the weekend. Not only would I like to see him before I go back to school, but I recently moved with my parents to an island filled with doll shops and retired people. The view is gorgeous, but my boredom is rising. I see this two days as a vacation filled with The Ex's endlessly amusing family and hopefully some nice cuddling.

I realized that it might be hard to convince my mom that I'm ready to leave for two days, since I just had surgery a week ago. And at the beginning of the week, I was equally concerned. At that point I had to be served every meal and got up only to pee and go back to bed.

By Wednesday, it was a different story. I was making my own breakfast, sitting at the table for dinner, and off the heavy duty painkillers. Deeming myself able to leave, I popped the question to my mother. My aunt and uncle (two doors down the road) had come over for dinner, and I caught my mom alone for a moment in the office.

"So, I've been invited to spend a couple days at The Ex's this weekend, and I'd like to go" I started. "What do you think?"

She looked startled. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" she asked, and proceeded to orally wag her finger at me for visiting an ex. "You seem very off-and-on with him. I don't understand why you won't just break up and move on."

I explained to her as best I could the status of my relationship with The Ex. (Summary: If we didn't have to deal with the distance, we would be together (maybe not forever, but at least right now). So since I'm here, it'd be nice to see him once or twice before going back to school.) Mom was not enthused.

Neither was I. "Whether I continue seeing him or not, I feel that it's my decision to make" I said reasonably. "Some relationships end abruptly and cleanly, and other people decide to remain friends after they break up. There isn't one way to do it." I couldn't believe I had to explain my behavior to my mother; I'm twenty years old. If we hadn't moved and I hadn't just had surgery, I easily could have simply told her I was leaving for the weekend. It felt like a formality to ask her at all.

Finally, she moved on to the more valid argument: "I don't think it's a good idea, since you just had surgery. What if you injured yourself?"

I explained to her that this was why I had waited to ask her; I wanted to make sure it was something my leg could handle. "I'm walking without crutches, I can take care of myself at this point. We're going to be sitting indoors for the whole time." I knew it would be just as relaxing to hang out at his house as it had been at ours; the scheduled events included football games and the 24 premiere. And it's not like I couldn't ask for a favor if I wasn't feeling well.

She briefly went back to her former argument, the emotional one. I stopped her. "What is this about, mom? Is it about my health or you disapproving of my relationship with The Ex?"

She was caught. In a wild conceptual leap, she said "Remember when you were there that night, playing with the dogs and you hurt yourself?" Two and a half years ago, I had run into a huge rock in their backyard because there were no lights on and had to get stitches in the emergency room.

"What's your point?" I asked, confused.

"Well, my point is... you could do it again!"

I wanted to laugh at her. Instead I said, "Mom, it's not like I hurt myself before I started playing with the dogs. It's a completely different situation. I'm not going to play with the dogs at all. I'm not trying to sabotage my recovery, okay?"

After a minute more, my mom excused herself to tend to the company. I joined my mom and aunt for a game of Upwords, and felt triumphant for acting completely normal. I wasn't spiteful or rude; I made jokes and laughed with my aunt while my mom ignored us.

I took a quick bathroom break while we were playing, and as I rounded the corner on my return I heard my aunt ask, "Well do you think they're sleeping together?"

Unfortunately, it was too late to hide and listen, so I pretended I hadn't heard anything and joined them. Shame on mom, but fortunately I had already discussed The Ex situation with my aunt and she was on my side (my uncle and her had gone through something similar before they got married).

After my relatives left, I watched Grey's Anatomy with my mom. As it ended, Mom said "Well, I'm going to bed," but made no move to get up. She was leaving the next day for the weekend, so I knew I would have to refresh her memory soon.

"When do you want to talk about the visit?" I asked innocently.

After a few reasonable questions about timing, she very undramatically relented. So undramatically that I have no idea what she said. Still, success! I love having the better argument, especially with my mom.


The Ambiguous Blob said...

it's nice to get your way. I will also be watching the 24 premiere Sunday. It's my bf's favorite show. I've never seen it, so I should be bored to tears.

Eileen Dover said...

Eeek. Can I play voice of the mother?

Perhaps she wasn't scared of you physically hurting yourself again, but emotionally being hurt.

It's easy to fix a physical scar, but those emotional ones run deep.

Just saying. You might want to reassure her about the emotional aspect of you and him.


emma5 said...

Aw, I know you find your mum annoying, but I really think she's just looking out for you with this one.

Malnurtured Snay said...

Well, if you break your leg in the middle of rough sex, just make sure to come up with a plausible excuse. "No, his dad ran me over with his snowplow. I was making snow angels and he didn't see me! Whoooops!"

Life of the Party said...

your mom's a poop.

The Accidental Bitch said...

the ambiguous blob - Yeah I never watch it. But it wasn't bad, don't you think?

eileen dover - I tried to reassure her. It's her own fault for the bitch move she pulled earlier (several posts ago; the one where she ignored my story about the breakup). Since she's shown that she's not a "shoulder to cry on," her advice simply sounds judgemental.

emma5 - I know she is, but it's not her call.

malnurtured snay - Hah there was no rough sex. (or WAS there?) I wasn't lying about not wanting to sabotage my recovery. (or WAS I?)

life of the party - YES. (eloquently put) I think she's a poop pie.

Life of the Party said...

Mmmm, poop pie....

I love that you're doing the whole "OR IS IT?" thing. (OR DO I?)

Spill The Beans said...

This post made me laugh. I'm 40 and still fight with my parents about how to handle my ex, who I should date now, etc.


From your mom's perspective, since I can actually relate to both, your mom probably isn't afraid that you will be physically hurt, but that you will be emotionally hurt. Seeing my kids get hurt really rips my guts out far worse than any other thing in my life.

So, your mom worries. Just stand your ground and do what you feel is best, but realize she's operating from the position of loving you.

strange bird said...

Your mom sounds like my mom in this post. Judgemental or not, I think she is only looking out for what she perceives to be your best interests.