Thursday, January 25

Damn heterophobes

After meeting one of my bosses at my new internship today, I've been a little man-crazy - he is so cute it boggles the mind. You know how some guys are cute, but they're not really hot; they're cute? He is so cute that it spills over into the hot. It may even spill over into something beyond hot.

Oh, and he's married. Fuck.

So I came home from my internship and gushed about him forever, then watched Grey's where George is sex-crazed, and then looked at pictures of hot celebrities with my friend HP (heterophobe).

We got a call from a mutual friend and decided to go over to her place. At this point, all I could think about was looking as attractive as I could (as if there would be any guys for me to meet there), and I turned to HP and whined: "HP, what am I going to wear? I'm not going to look any good!"

HP, who was on his way out, stopped for a second. I quickly remembered that every time I have requested some friendly encouragement about my body from him, HP utters the dreadful words "I'm gay, I don't know" and my pleas for help are frustrated.

Before he could answer this time, I yelled "I know you're gay, just tell me I look sexy and that everyone wants to do me!"

... I'm never asking him for reassurance again. Some friend he is.

15 comments:

Strange Bird said...

So what if he's gay? I can tell other girls they look hot and I'm not even bicurious.

Eileen Dover said...

He needs to be wiped off your friends list.

I'm with SB. I'd tell you that you looked hot.

john said...

You are hot and I've never even laid eyes on you. Sexy can be mental as well as physical, although for a guy the physical does count too.....Oh well I'm not gay so maybe the wrong one to weigh in on this.
JD

The Ambiguous Blob said...

his gay excuse doesn't fly! gay men are supposed to have a more keen sense of style than straight men. Or so I thought.

Grant Miller said...

Shhhhhh. People will figure out it's me!

Dropout! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dropout! said...

Seriously, you need to give up on ever expecting HP to not be a huge heterophobe. Don't bother asking him things like that. It's pointless. It's not like he's even a fashionable gay guy-I fucking have to dress him up to look gay, and look at what I wear. I believe him when he says he doesn't know, because he don't know shit.

Deck.

Sipwine said...

Eh, my gay boyfriend is the same way. Wildly loyal to me, but had no fashion or sex appeal advice.
It happens.

Sean said...

doesn't it mean more to have a straight guy tell you how hot he is?

Lola said...

Well now, my flatmate is gay and he never stops giving me advice about how I should (or shouldn't) leave the house. Let's get him and HT together and they can learn a little from each other, maybe...

Lola x

Malnurtured Snay said...

Oh my god you're so damn hot I want to rip off all your clothes and take you right on my laptop!

Erm. Coffee table?

The Accidental Bitch said...

strange bird - Exactly why it's so irritating...

eileen dover - This is why you're now my friend :)

john - Just because you're not gay doesn't mean you can't weigh in. I agree with you, and women are often encouraged to get caught up in the physical part of sexy to make them feel the mental part.

the ambiguous blob - Supposed to. But that's a stereotype that I've found doesn't actually work all the time. Especially in this case.

grant miller - Sorry! I shouldn't have put your name in the post, oops!

dropout - Funny story, I actually did get him to change his mind... I think. But yeah he's definitely a deck.

sipwine - I know it happens, it's just weird when he won't offer the friendly encouragement that every other friend would gladly extend.

sean - Maybe, but in this case I just wanted some general approval. If one of my girl friends was in the room I would have asked her, too.

lola - Nice... I'm not sure if either one would appreciate that introduction though.

malnurtured snay - lol! Nice. Thanks, I feel much better now.

Ripsy said...

you are a slut.

Miss Devylish said...

Ok.. honey.. the gay boyfriend is supposed to be able to tell you that you're hot.. and if you have spinach in your teeth. Not to know.. ? That's just wrong. Seriously you need another gay boyfriend who fills that role. I love my gay boys - when they come out w/ me, I can make sure w/ just a single request that I look good.. they're like the best mirror you could ever have. They're pretty much magic.

Jazz said...

My brother is gay and he knows better than most straight guys if what a girl is wearing makes her look hot or not. lol. So tell him to suck it up and be honest!