Saturday, February 24

The non date

Oh my goodness. You know when you're hoping that a "sort of" date is actually not a date at all? And then you get the feeling that the other person is hoping that it's very much a date?

In all fairness, I probably misled him. I took a shower, curled my hair, put on a smokin' outfit and plenty of makeup. I was dressing up because I thought I was going to a club after my drink with BlogNerd. But I didn't tell him that, so he probably assumed that all this was for him.

He took me to a champagne lounge, which was very nice. I saw the quality of the place and immediately knew that he was trying to impress me. And I was impressed: the champagne was great. Fortunately, we had no trouble keeping up conversation.

After a couple drinks there, he asked me if I had eaten yet. I hadn't eaten yet and I was having fun with BlogNerd, so we went to a restaurant down the street for another drink and a meal. At this point, I started feeling bad because I had planned on meeting my friends downtown and we had tentative plans for dinner. "Oh well, I'm sure they won't miss me too much and I'll see them after they eat."

Dinner was fine and the conversation was okay. Except for when I told him to list all the words he knew that started with X. That part of the conversation wasn't really okay, but he didn't seem to mind. The only problem with him was that anytime I wanted to reference something from my past, it was obvious how much younger than him I was. When he brought up a TV show that he used to watch, I said "I don't remember that show very well."

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"Well, when did it come out? 1997? Yeah, I was in middle scho--"

"I don't want to know..." He cut me off and changed the subject, as if ignoring our difference in age would actually make it disappear.

From then on, I tried to consciously leave out any mention of my age when telling a story. It got pretty irritating, especially since he knows my age. Get over it, dude.

After dinner (I offered to pay, he refused...), I called my friends. I had to do it in front of BlogNerd, since we had already left the table and there wasn't really a nice way to say "I'm going over there to talk to some other people, you wait here in the cold and pretend that's not weird." I tried as hard as I could not to ditch either party.

"We're almost done with dinner, what are you doing?"

"I'm still hanging out with..." Oh shit. What do I call this guy? I can't use his name, because that would imply that I had told my friends about him. Which I hadn't. And even if I had, I didn't want him to think that. "Someone." He did a head bob, repeating "someone" as if to say "Ah, I see."

I asked my friends what they were doing after dinner and we made plans to ride the train home together. "Call me when you're coming to the train station," I said.

Since we were both going to Grand Central, BlogNerd took me there and we went to a bar while I waited. I probably should have refused another drink, but he was so insistent... I should clarify, here. Insistent not in a creepy way; more in a "I can tell you want another drink, so I'm going to get you one."

So we hung out at the bar and kept talking. It was pretty fun, except for the whole pretending I'm not in college and only 21 thing. But seriously, where were my friends? And his nose is really big. What can you do with a big-nosed guy who won't let you talk about your age?

When the bar was closing at 1, he went to the bathroom and I called my friends. "Where are you?" I asked.

"We're on the train, where are you?"

What?! I had been waiting for them in Grand Central and they left without me? Gah! I guess I deserved it for ditching them earlier.

BlogNerd and I walked down to the main area in Grand Central and talked for a minute or two before I left to catch my train. I noticed him take a small step toward me, so I took a little step back, because if he stepped forward again he would basically run into me. Then he did it again, so I stepped back again.

"Why are you backing away from me?" He asked with a laugh.

"Why are you stepping toward me?" I returned, with an embarrassed smile. (I smile a lot when I'm embarrassed)

"That's cool, keeping the distance."

"Uh, yeah... what else would I do?" What the hell? Couldn't you have just bought me five drinks and dinner and sent me on my way? "Okay well I should catch my train, but I'll talk to you soon."

He gave me a hug and said "Have a good trip home."

"Okay, I will, bye!" I said and walked away.

If I just ignore that last part, I'd say it was a good time. And maybe if I ignore it, it'll disappear.


Strange Bird said...

"Someone" may have made him think you were talking to a boyfriend or something like that. I would suggest you not agree to meet him again, as that would *really* be leading him on, given that it's clear what he's looking for (at least, it's clear to me).

He is too old. That age difference won't become less significant until you're at least out of college. ;)

Airam said...


Sounds like you had a fun time for the most part ... except for the awkwardness at the end. I don't know what it is with some guys. If you move towards a girl and she steps away from you, why ask her what she's doing when it's clear she's avoiding the whole invading of personal space.

Dropout! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dropout! said...

Yeah ok so I wrote something really stupid in that last comment so it's gone now. But I'm not the only stupid one around here-HAH, you actually thought he wasn't considering it a date? Man. Don't you know how rapable you are?

Songbird said...

Argh do I feel for you TAB. Strange bird's right, this one needs to be hit with a 2 x 4 to get the message.

The Boob Lady said...

Mmm Hmm...

monicker said...

Oh, no, how terribly awkward!

Crazy Eddie said...

Hey bishy... saw your interesting blog name and had to drop by.

Although I'm a big homo, I did date numerous ladies while I was still trapped in the closet, so if I ever approached a woman with the intent to smooch... and she backed up, I would've said my pleasant goodbye's and went on my way. Why embarrass yourself by asking such an awkward question? Maybe his big nose got in the way of his common sense...

Hey, you know what they say about big noses do ya?

Or is it feet...



Anonymous said...

So how did the conversation turn non-okay when you asked him words beginning with x ...? EngRish is not my first language so excuse me if it's an obvious thing that I just don't get...


pinkjellybaby said...

oh eugh that's horrible. i've ended up kissing someone goodbye in that situation becasue i really didn't know what to do!!! so you did well!

kittenpower said...

tab! Ugh! Que un hassle!

Caution: Do not ignore this problem. Nip it in the bud! If not, you will have more akward moments than you just experienced!

I say, to loose him, just start talking a/b your age and all things collegiate. Talk a/b how much you love both of them and like where you are in life.

Exactly what he wants to ignore.
Remind him of your age difference; hopefully he will back off.

Good luck!

Grant Miller said...

Ugh. I hate hugging people too.

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

Total fucking date.

I was soooooo right.

you realize, you may now need to put out a little fire with this guy.

Frankly, i feel like he dropped the ball. if he spent all that time with you and countless drinks/dinner, he obviously did not charm you enough even to let a little encroachment into personal space slide!

Not a player! (not that that's a bad thing)

the very.

Single guy blogging said...

Yikes! I've been in those situations (unfortunately on both ends). It's weird why we humans crave the attention and affection, then when someone offers it we back away. Sigh - too bad you had to deal with that... Wonder what he would write if he had a blog! ;)

QueenBitch said...

Yeah i agree this was a date! Whats the issue? So he has a big nose and cant talk about things that begin with X lol but you had fun no? Would you see him again? as a non-date of course!

Bad at Life said...

It actually sounds like you're sort of complicit in this guy thinking this was a date. If you know you're not interested in a guy don't let him pay for anything for you. Even if he's insistent, you should be more so.

If a woman let me pay for her dinner and drinks all night and ditched her friends to keep hanging out with me I would definitely think that she was interested.

Hoosier Joe said...

Hey, fun story (and great blog, by the way). I'd say, from the sound of it, you two were definitely on a date. I'd say no harm, no foul though so long as you don't lead him on by getting any further "drinks" with him. You should be up front with him and let him know you don't want to date him. As a great doctor named Phil would say "keep it real, bitch" ... I'm so sorry for the Dr. Phil reference.

Wanderlusting said...

This is why I never dated. Too complicated pour moi.

So, what attracted you to him in the first place? Meaning, what made you agree to a date anyway (and if it wasn't a date to you, surely you would have thought he might think it was...unless you specifically said "just as friends")?

Did you not notice he had a big nose before? And as for the X words thing, there aren't too many words starting with X, as you know, and was it that he couldn't come up with many and therefore you thought he wasn't smart enough for you?

Or did he, like, stand up, flip over the table and yell "I HATE ALL THINGS WITH THE LETTER X!!!!!"

Cuz that would freak me out.

Next time though, if you don't want him to think it's a date, don't let him pay. He will get the wrong idea. For me, anyway, letting them pay always signals that it's a date.

The Accidental Bitch said...

Fuck... I just responded to all of your comments and considered copying it in case the browser didn't load it right, but then thought "That NEVER happens."

But of course it did.

So, please accept my apologies and fresh baked cookies. The jist of my response was "Oh damn, you're totally right! Thanks so much!" Y'know, just like always.

Hearts and puppies (and yes, even hugs, Grant)!

Miss Devylish said...

'But seriously, where were my friends? And his nose is really big. What can you do with a big-nosed guy who won't let you talk about your age?'

Normally I would say those things don't have anything to do w/ each other.. but I guess that's why they made me laugh outloud. ;)

Ahh.. when they want to buy you drinks, they want to loosen you up so you'll make out w/ them when normally they know you wouldn't. Men are so transparent.. the not talking about the age thing is annoying. And he should've gotten the hint when you backed up the first time.

I worry for you a bit girl. Like some ppl are saying, maybe make 'no' a more oft used word in your vocab. You seem to be treading on dangerous ground and you might eventually meet a guy who thinks you're a big tease (even if that's not what you mean)and will take what he wants from you regardless if you're into it. Just a suggestion from yet another big sister type. :)

Spill the Beans said...


it's funny. Guys my age who date women that much older actually think it's going to go someplace. When I've dated someone 10-12 years younger, I'm pretty clear on the fact that it isn't going anyplace, there is just too big a span of years for that to happen.

I'd say beyond 5-6 years, it's just hard to make it work because there isn't really that shared paradigm of having experienced the same things.