Monday, February 26

The Roommate, pt 1

In trying to help S find an apartment in New York while she's still out of the state, I agreed to check out rooms for her. She got an account on a website that has roommate profiles and started shopping for places to live and people to live with.

Yesterday I went to look at an apartment in Chinatown. I threw on an outfit, ditched the idea of a shower, and rushed to catch the train, which I missed anyway. When I arrived, I called the guy who was showing the room and he met me outside the building. "Hey, come on in" he said, opening the door for me and showing me to the elevator.

He took me up to the roof and pointed out all of the useful places nearby: a supermarket, a deli, a laundromat. "Are there any cool bars nearby or anything like that?" I asked. Yeah, of course! Do you drink?" He asked. I told him I did. "Okay, well maybe we'll grab a drink after you take a look at the room." Cool, that would be a good way to get to know the neighborhood, I thought.

We went to the apartment to look at the room, which was pretty much not a room so much as a closet with an inappropriately large bed stuffed into it. He then led me back to his room so we could talk about the living situation. I was still half-considering it at this point because I thought the room might be acceptable if a smaller bed was moved in and the nook outside could be used.

We sat in his (much nicer) room and talked about the owners and rent and all that. We also talked about his upcoming film project and other less businessy things. Then someone called him and he said something about the Oscars. "Oh shit! I can't believe I forgot the Oscars!" I admonished myself. I had planned on writing a review of the Oscars to show up the Other Intern, who would most likely write an awful piece about them.

"There's a bar right down the block that's probably playing it, do you want to go?" I wasn't that intent on seeing the show now that I had missed part of it, but we seemed to be getting along pretty well and I still had a couple of questions about the room, so I agreed to go. As I gathered my bulky bag, he told me I didn't have to bring it. "We'll come back before you leave, don't worry about carrying it around." I grabbed my cell phone and went outside with him.

We walked along in the falling snow, and stopped first at the grocery store so he could get bills for a bag of change he had. "This would be a funny story to tell people about our first date," he laughed. I laughed too, because... well, we weren't on a date, so it was funny.

As we left the store, he asked me to take his hand. "Huh?" I asked, confused.

"You may have heard of this, it's what your parents do when you cross the street when you're a kid. It's for safety, I don't want you to fall." He held his hand out.

"Um, that's okay. I think I'm good." I laughed at him. What a silly person... he must've thought that was cute or something.

We got to the bar and found out that the TV playing the Oscars was on very quietly and in a poor location, so we gave up and decided to sit at a table in the back. He ordered us both beers, and I realized that I had left my wallet in my bag in his room so I couldn't pay for my beer. Oops... He assured me it was okay.

Our conversation continued, but he became increasingly irritating. Not only would he jokingly slip into conversation our future as lovers and parents, but he kept asking me questions so he could find out certain things about me. I can't even remember what they were... but it was the equivalent of asking my favorite color and then telling me "Your answer tells me this about you." And the way he said it was always off-putting. He kept concluding that I am defensive, incredibly intelligent, and open to new things. Oh, and beautiful of course.

"I'm defensive because you keep doing things that are offensive. What else can I do?"

By this point, I was letting him hold my hand because it seemed useless to protest: I was sitting in a public place with him, and my bag was in his room. I wasn't quite ready to leave behind everything except my cell phone with low batteries just because this guy was being an incredibly aggressive flirt.

"You shouldn't be defensive," he countered. "You have to be open to new things, to get past those boundaries so you can find out if you are ultimately going to get along with people. Take the hand-holding, for instance. Earlier on, you weren't okay with that. Now look; we're holding hands and it's not uncomfortable." Suddenly his face was rushing towards mine.

Part 2 will be posted in 24 hours...


Wanderlusting said...

All I will say is, where do you find these guys?


Aggressive and obviously DESPERATE men should definitely be held at arms length.

I hope this all turned out OK and not in a scary(er) way.

Strange Bird said...

TAB! (I say that with a stern, almost parental admonishing tone.) You CANNOT agree to have drinks with any guy ever again that you do not KNOW is not trying to get into your pants unless you think there is a chance that you might want to let him get into your pants at some point in the future. No more.

Drinks are dates. They are. Really. Stop that.

But aside from men being confused by this, it's not safe to drink with total strangers, especially with your stuff in their apartment. Please be more careful.

NeverEZme said...

Well at least you are writing about it, that means you are still alive!

DYLAN said...

Never leave your stuff behind, TAB! First dates always require the ability to run at a moment's notice. You know, 'something suddenly came up' style.

And I agree with strange bird. Now that you're legal you have to realize that getting a drink always implies more. Even if you still have more 'questions about the room'.

MelO said...

Lol... great blog! I'm such a fan of your writing style.

Where DO you find these guys though? I agree with the masses here; drinks ARE dates. And you always want to have your stuff with you at all times. That's why I have learned to take my purse and coat to the bathroom! In case something "suddenly comes up."


Oh my god!! I can't wait for part 2!

Demon23... said...

Do you carry a cattle prod for just giant loser men?

I do not think I ever came on that strong to any one I pursued.

Your blog is a good read, mine? uhh it is good to waste time and or a reason to drink if you are an english teacher.

Amanda said...

Where do you meet these guys? I did a slight drive heave as I read your post.

I learned quickly that in NYC some guys view getting a drink as a date, whereas I never would.


The Ambiguous Blob said...

I disagree about drinks always meaning it's a date.
Some dudes are just dumb and need to be told out loud and in no uncertain terms that you are not on a date.
Don't be afraid to state this plainly and clearly for the boys. As I mentioned before, they are dumb and will appreciate clarification.
But the ladies are right about never leaving your stuff behind. I mean come on, TAB. Let's put our thinking caps on and understand that when dumb boys who you just met are asking you to leave something behind at their apartment, they are expecting a little something more than a quick pick-up later.

monicker said...

This is me chewing my lip nervously in anticipation!

kittenpower said...

AH! What a good story! I can't wait for the second half!

You get yourself into some odd situations and I love it!

But always keep your personal belongings with you. :-)

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

your crazy. i almost think you let these things happen so you can blog about them!!!

the very.

QueenBitch said...

LOL omg woman your a magnet for non-dates that end up being dates eh!!! I cant wait for part 2!

S* said...

OK, I'm going to go "Mommy" on you...or at least Big Sister Who's Lived in NYC for over a decade and has looked at a ton of apartments.

Even when you are going to check out apartments, always let someone know where you're going. NEVER EVER EVER leave something behind in a stranger's apartment. Are you kidding me? You go to a stranger's apartment, leave your bag, go get a drink, hold his hand even though he creeps you out? Think about the precautions people take on internet dates and at least they've had a conversation with the person before.

This is way more than a "where do you meet these creepy guys" kind of thing. You could have put yourself in danger. :(

OK, I'll get off my Mommy Soapbox now.

Grant Miller said...

I'm holding my breath, among other things.

Miss Devylish said...

Ohmyfreakinggod. Guessing he was looking for the love of his life rather than a roommate. How very odd. Some guys just don't get it. Please tell me you kicked him in the knee - after getting your wallet and all of course.

Airam said...

You find all the winners huh?

Single guy blogging said...

Holy crap - sounds like a psycho! Can't wait to read pt 2!!

Hoosier Joe said...

Again with the awkward non-date, huh? I think you need to befriend yourself a bartender and any time you have a situation where it may/may not be a date, you should go get drinks from said bartender. Nothing scares a sketchy guy off like a pissed off bartender.

The Accidental Bitch said...

wanderlusting - I have no idea...

strange bird, dylan, s* - I think I learned my lesson here. But I appreciate your concern.

neverezme - It was hard to write about it, but I would have felt like I was lying if I didn't.

melo - Thanks for the compliment! And... I guess I don't have the heart to have things suddenly come up, so I'm just going to have to be more direct?

catherinette singleton - Glad to hear it!

demon23... - Thanks for the compliment, I'll check your blog out! When I told a friend about this story, she said she was going to get me pepper spray for my next birthday.

amanda - I don't do this on purpose, I promise.

the ambiguous blob - I obviously don't view a drink as a date, and I'm glad to hear someone else thinks similarly... and I won't leave things anywhere again but I seriously didn't get the scary vibe until after I left.

monicker - Hope you didn't chew it off!

kittenpower - It's all yours...

the very - That would be pretty fucked up. No, I'm just that unfortunate.

queenbitch - Oh yes I definitely am the master. In my experience, men interpret politeness or friendliness to mean "I'd like to screw you" or "I'm in love with you."

grant miller - And what are the other things? I can't even guess...

miss devylish - I was too shocked to kick. Just my luck with all these weirdos.

airam - Seriously...

single guy blogging - Seriously, I'm glad he didn't have a knife.

hoosier joe - I just need my big brother to move here. I'd probably want to date the bartender...