Wednesday, March 28

A night out I'd talk about if I could

On Saturday night, the second to last day of my family's trip to New York, we went out to the aforementioned dinner and came back a bit loaded. At least, I did. The night began at about 6pm in the hotel bar where we all downed two martinis (of the French persuasion - delicious, if you've never had one). At the steakhouse, I switched to appletinis. After two of those, there was the bottle of wine to take care of.

When we got back to the hotel, I was... jolly. And jolly TAB is rambunctious and fun, but most of all she is interested in drinking more. I ducked into the bathroom for a quick pee and when I came out, filled with glee, the older generation was all sprawled out over the beds.

"Aww, and I'm so not tired!" I whined. It was only eleven on a Saturday night and I was in Manhattan. Come on.

"You want to go out?" My cousin asked me.

"Yes!" I realized that I had never been to a club even though I turned 21 in January. Pitiful!

Unfortunately, my cousin is from Boston so she's not familiar with New York clubs. And since I clearly hadn't been to any, I was no expert either. She started texting her friends to ask for recommendations while I racked my empty mind. And then it occurred to me: I know a bartender!

It then also occurred to me that he hadn't called me yet, so I didn't have his number. But I remembered that when I left the bar on Thursday he said he would be working all weekend, so I found the slip of paper where I had written the place's number and dialed. After a confusing recording, I pressed an extension number and hoped for the best.

"Good evening, how can I help you?" My greeter asked.

"Hi... is Zach Braff there, by chance?"

"Zach? Yeah, hold on."

"Hello, this is Zach." I cringed as I realized how ridiculous I was being, then sucked it up and asked him for the name of a good club. Somehow he didn't know any, so he had to ask his bartender friends for me. (What New York bartender doesn't know of any clubs? Hmm...) He then remarked that he should call me soon, to which I said "You better." Smooth.

I wrote down two names and returned triumphantly to my cousin, who also had two suggestions from her friends. This not being enough, we decided to ask the concierge in the lobby for guidance. He suggested a bar, and we got in a cab and went to the first place her friend had told her about (so, my phone call to Zach Braff was not necessary at all).

Four hours later, we were at the hotel with two guys who were ordering porn on the TV, you guessed it: at my request. I went into the bathroom to check on my cousin, who was sitting next to the bathtub. When she started puking into the tub, I prepared a glass of water for her. I walked out of the bathroom, glad to see that our guests had left, and heard a crash. I returned to see my cousin draped over the side of the tub, which was now full of puke and shards of glass.

Needless to say, we both went to bed very shortly.

My aunt woke us up in the morning. I groaned and checked out the strange bruise on my hip. What the hell was that from? And why in the world did my foot hurt so bad? Upon inspection, I found a two inch puffy bruise on my ankle from... um...? Yeah, no idea.

"What's on your bed?" Auntie asked my cousin.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"There's something wet on the bed."

"Oh... huh... my pants are wet, too. Haha I guess I peed myself."

I giggled. "Hah, you wet the bed!!!"

"Well, at least I wasn't on the floor last night," She countered playfully.

"What are you talking about?"

"You don't remember? The bouncer brought you over to us and said 'She was on the floor.' I thought they were going to kick us out."

I did not remember that. Luckily, that made it less embarrassing.

"Do you remember throwing up in the bathtub?" I asked.

"Yeah... do you remember throwing up at the bar?"

"No!" Ahhh great. I had a vision of myself puking on multiple people and getting shouted at. "Did I at least make it to the toilet?"

"Oh yeah. I held your hair back for you and everything."

Sweet. My 25-year old cousin wet the bed. I ended up on the floor of a bar and was the new owner of several mysterious bruises. A job well done, I think.


lessake said...

I'm laughing so hard I could pee myself ... but I won't :)
The day after is always fun ... putting together a picture, getting to know all the embarrassing stuff you had done. Don't worry if you don't remember it today, it will hit some day suddenly and hard ... that's even more fun *evil grin*
+ drunk dial, you did everything compulsory for drunk night out!

ps. love, love, looove your blog & your witty writing

L for lurker

Princess Extrordinaire said...

I have totally been there - I woke up one morning with bandaids all over places that really hurt - I come to realize I had passed out naked next to the jacuzzi on a double date with a second bottle of grand manier in my hand - ths after falling down a flight of concrete stairs to get to the bathroom.

Tex said...

The "she was on the floor" remark from the bouncer. Classic. Good job with your first post 21 club-hopping story.

kittenpower said...


Anonymous said...

Your posts are interesting....I even went back to the blogs when you were MBIC not TAB.....
Seemed you two had great chemistry but things didnt work out....

BUT what I want to know is why are you always complaining? Take some time to look at bright things in your life.....Every life has many, many bright things....

No offence intended

Wombat said...

New blog idea:

TAB on the Town.

You need to get drink-fit, missy.

Beatrix Kiddo said...

Hahaha, that's hilarious! I'm not close enough to any of my cousins for an experience like that.
Was that your first blackout ever?


Reminds me of my days in college.

The Ambiguous Blob said...

Please stop mixing your liquors. It always leads to puking. Also, woohoo! Fun times. :)

monicker said...

Something handy I learned in college:

Liquor before beer, in the clear;
Beer before liquor, never been sicker.

At least you woke up in your hotel and not under a bush in the park.

(What, me? Never!)

Bridget Jones said...

Very glad I wasn't drinking anything while reading this post....ROFL!!

Well done indeed!!

tiff said...

Ah, good times indeed!

The Boob Lady said...

I'm totally laughing my ass off. I'm so coming to go out to the bars with you sometime. It'll be a riot.

The College Chronicler said...

Ha ha....classic drunkenness...lovely!

Anonymous said...

You requested random guys in your hotel room order porn? That all that happened? You seem to be losing your self respect.

Trouble said...

Make sure you have plenty of those nights while you can. Then, when you're like my age (41), you won't need to anymore. Because they get harder and harder over the years, and now it takes me weeks to recover from a night like that.

You made me totally nostalgic though.

S* said...

Totally a NY experience.

French martinis are my fave martini.

DCchick said...

hahahah.... aw man. Love those nights!

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

you sound like a fun date! was that you that puked on my shoes?!?! ;)


Miss Devylish said...

First of all, I hope you tell both anonymous commentors where to go.. Second.. glad you had fun.. and were relatively safe. ;)

The Accidental Bitch said...

lessake - lol nice comment. Stop lurking so I can enjoy more of them! :)

princess extrordinaire - Whoa, that's hardcore. Nice double date, I'm sure he kept you after that one!

tex - Heh, what can I say. I'm a natural!

kittenpower - Totally!

anon - I don't always complain. My last blog was about my boyfriend, and so often about our fights.

wombat - As soon as I start going out on the town more... otherwise there'd be one post a month.

beatrix kiddo - The first one that lasted for so long. Other ones were like the 10 seconds of me walking to the toilet to throw up.

catherinette singleton - Sounds like you have a lot of stories up your sleeve.

the ambiguous blob - I try not to, but I also don't see puking as a horrible thing unless you have to camp out in the bathroom for too long.

monicker - lol! I'd love to hear that story sometime. If you remember, that is...

bridget jones - Always glad to share some embarrassing experiences for you :)

tiff - And so many more to come...

the boob lady - Indeed it would be! What bars do you go to?

the college chronicler - Nice. Now when people ask me what kind of drunk I am, I'll say "I'm a classic drunk."

anon - That means I had any to begin with. Careful.

trouble - I'll try my best. I'll just have to be wild in other ways when I get older! (Who wants to play CRIBBAGE!!!)

s* - Ohhh they're so good. :)

dcchick - It's impressive that you love the nights you remember the least.

ace - I AM a fun date. And I'm sorry about the shoes, but I'll have my assistant send another pair to your office. Deal?

miss devylish - Thanks for the support :)

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